All this summer I've had people complaining that I put up emotional walls. For awhile I agreed with them; I do put up walls, not intentionally or anything, it just happens. I prefer to have a certain amount of distance, a protective cushion for my feelings and secrets. I never thought it was that big of a deal.
I thought I was just as easy as the next person to get to know on a superficial level, I didn't think it was a problem. Who cares if the majority of my aquaintances don't know what exactly it is that makes me tick? And yet, I get complaints.
What I find funny is that in the past I've always been told that I have such an expressive face people knew exactly what I was thinking, just by looking at me. Now, they're saying that they have no idea what's going on in my head because of these walls that I've built.
I haven't changed. I haven't withdrawn any further into myself, I haven't built new walls, nothing like that. I really don't understand why there's this sudden complaint about what an enigma I am, and how hard I am to get to know.
I think the problem may be that I do reach out and draw people in on occassion, and then I doubt myself and retreat back to where I was before. Then the people who suddenly find their progress to my inner thoughts thwarted by my reacquired reticence get miffed.
Maybe it's just an odd coincidence that I'm getting all of these comments this summer. It's like the one summer where I kept having people tell me that I was "pleasant." How odd is that? "You know, you really are a pleasant person." Who says pleasant these days?