I was over at my parents' house earlier today and my mom said that I was crabby. I didn't feel crabby when I got there, but my brother had put me in a foul mood, so I think I may have stared at them a bit. I do that when I'm feeling out of sorts, I stare.
My brother has this awful way of making fun of me, he's really just plain mean, but I guess he thinks he's funny. I don't know, he doesn't laugh when he says the things he does. I wouldn't care so much if I didn't like him so much. Is it too much to ask to want to have the occassional affirmation of respect from my brother? Sometimes I think it is.
Well, my brother succeeded in making me feel stupid and ugly and foolish and clumsy, so I decided that I didn't want to make cookies with the family and went home instead.
My mom had to go to this group therapy where they had to make statements in the following form: "I feel (insert a feeling), when you (insert action), and I wish (insert wish)." And the word "you" can't be in the wish part.
If I had been at that group session, my statement would have been, "I feel stupid and ugly and low and mean and worthless when you make fun of me the way you do and I wish that I could come home to people who I knew loved me for the person that I am. I wish that I didn't have to worry about what I would hear when I came home. I wish that my brother wasn't an emotionally stunted delinquent who feels the need to reach out and hurt other people because he feels so bad and empty and hurt inside himself."
But I wasn't at that therapy session, and neither was he.
So I went home and took a bath and listened to Miles Davis (thank you Emily!) and used my free sample of The Body Shop's Nut Body Butter. And now I smell like cake. Yummy. I'm going to have to get me more of this. Or maybe I'll just ask for it for Christmas. Is it too late to be making a list?
My mom wrote down everything I had on my Amazon wish list (43 items!) and showed it to my aunt and uncle. My Amazon wish list is not my Christmas wish list, it's just a list of things I saw and might want to eventually get sometime when I have the spare cash. Now my aunt and uncle think I'm some kind of greedy opportunist who is demanding 43 specific presents from my family. I'm not! They couldn't believe my list was so long (it was presented to them as my Christmas list) and stared at me, shocked, and they wouldn't listen to my explanation.
Too bad The Body Shop isn't in cahoots with Amazon.
Yummm, cake.