So I just watched the telethon with my parents. I had gone over to their house earlier for dinner and stayed to watch Iron Chef, then the channel was changed to America: A Tribute to Heroes. Now, I actually wanted to go home, but my parents had no idea who any of the performers were, so I stayed to name them.
"Who's that?" "Stevie Wonder" "Oh, right, right." "And this is?" "U2" "I thought so." And on and on it went. Dave Matthews, Dixie Chicks, Tom Petty, Mariah Carey, Alicia Keys, Bon Jovi, Sting. It was actually kind of amusing after awhile.
"Who's that?"
"Cheryl Crow, I think. Yeah, that looks like her, but her hair's longer. I think it's Cheryl Crow, but I'm not sure."
"Not Alana, what's her name, Morrisette?"
"No, it's not Alanis."
"Alanis, that's it. You sure?"
"I'm sure. Alanis is more hippy-ish, and her voice is more nasal."
"Yeah, she does sound weird."
"I think it's Cheryl Crow, see, the mole."
"Cindy Crawford has a mole."
"That's not Cindy Crawford."
"You sure?"
"Yes."
"Maybe it's that lady who plays piano on Ally McBeal."
"It's not Vonda Shepard."
"How do you know?"
"It doesn't sound like her."
"Who is it then?"
"Cheryl Crow, I think, but don't quote me on that."
"I thought Cheryl Crow played guitar."
"She does."
"But this lady's playing the piano."
"I see that."
"I wish they'd introduce these people or something."
"Me too."
This kind of conversation occurred for almost half of the performances. The only people my parents recognized were Celine Dion and Willie Nelson.
The weirdest thing about the telethon? No clapping after the performances. There was no studio audience, so there was no applause, it was the strangest silence.